rararara

Nov 27

Whenever i miss a hang out w you guys most of the time its bc i dont have the money/arent allowed to come so get over urself it has nothing to do w any of u
Im glad ur annoyed at me for missig so many hangouts and thank god u’ve stopped inviting me places bc i dont wanna have to deal w yall being butthurt 24/7 
Grow up and find some friends at ur school instead of relying on us to provide u w a social life
I know im on tumblr a lot which would make it seem like i dont have a life but i cant afford to socialize every week my family always has to tighten their belt and i dont wanna squeeze the money out of em like how i used to when i didnt care about my familys economic situation at all and only cared about being able to hang out w u guys

Nov 19

I feel like if i had a proper father figure like someone thats a handyman and knows how to drive and is just like manly yknow what i mean my life would be 83838383x better cuz rn im probably more mature than my own dad my dad is p much a 14 year old its so embarrassing

I wish i knew how to act or sing the idea of being a part of the entertainment industry and making people feel things is so exciting and so fun

My parents are literally only together so my brother and i arent part of a broken family and my mom likes to remind me of that 8383848x a day
They are not happy together and were p much broken anyway my dad is in his own world and my mom is in her own world they should divorce already i cant take it

Nov 17

Theres this chick that hangs out w the circle of friends i tend to hang out with and she hangs out w other groups of friends too and i dont like her all that much bc she dum and she doesnt like our group of friends all that much either for reasons most of which are stupid but she has one reason that i really agree w im negl
she mentioned how our circle of friends is probably the most judgemental group in our school and holy shit
Ive never agreed with something more in my life ever
Not all of us in the group are judgemental like me for example im like the least opinionated person on the planet like u can do whatever u want and ill be like well u probably have a reason for doing it idk im just very accepting of things
Anyway the group of friends i hang out with for the most part are just very judgemental and talk shit about each other and are fake as fuck and wow idek why im friends w em idk i have like 7 more months w em and i dont have to see em ever again so whatever
Cant wait till uni i swear to god i know some immature people its ridiculous i hate my school

Nov 15

I actually dont know what i want
I think ive convinced myself that comp sci was what i really wanna do cuz its the only thing out of the programs i was interested in that makes a lot of money and the only thing my parents wholeheartedly approved of
so im taking all the courses i need for comp sci but im feelin rlly shitty rn cuz i cant take any of the other programs that i want to cuz i wont have the prerequisites
Like if i were to get into the media that would be perfect but i dont have the experience and i think im probably just in love w the idea of being known and doing something entertainment-oriented and possibly meeting celebs and just living a good life but i get super nervous in front of crowds so i dont know how that makes sense
Im such a mess srsly
Im so unorganized and i feel like everyone else knows what theyre doing and i feel like ive already given up on doing something that makes me happy and im just doin things to impress my parents
Well my parents are gonna eventually die lbr and who am i gonna impress then ill feel shitty and stuck in a life im not happy to lead and i dont want that to happen
Overall im just scared and fucking dumb and confused and i dont know what to do anymore i dont know who to talk to and i feel like no one cares and i dont want ppl to judge me
IDONT JNOW WHAT THE FUCK I WANT IM SO SCARED

Nov 04

I feel like if my parents had any motivation at all to progress in anything we wouldnt be living in some small ass apartment without a fucking car cuz theyre both lazy and my dads a pussy and is aFRAID TO GET IN A FUCKING CAR ACCIDENT SO HE JUST DOESNT WANT TO LEARN HOW TO DRIVE AT ALL WHAT KIND OF EXCUSE IS THAT IM FUCKING DONE anyway with motivation and some fucking balls i think our lives would be so much better and we’d live in a nice house w a car and we’d just be a typical white ass family but no theyre lazy fucks and are content (my dad anyway, my mom is just a lazy ass who relies on my dad to do something about our lives when she knows he isnt gonna do shit so she sits and is just fucking miserable and complains about it and does jack shit about anything)
i feel sorry for myself its ridiculous

I just want fucking braces i feel so ugly most of the time my teeth make me look 12 and it makes me angry and super jealous when ppl who doNT EVEN NEED BRACES LIKE MAYBE ONE TOOTH IS A LITTLE OUT OF LINE BUT THEY GET BRACES AND ITS LIKE FUCK MAN IT LOOKS LIKE A BOMB WENT OFF IN MY MOUTH GOD I WAS SUPPOSED TO GET EM WHEN I CAME BACK FROM THE PHILIPPINES IN MARCH BUT MY MOM WAS LIKE NOPE GOTTA START SAVING FOR OUR NEXT TRIP TO THE PHILIPPINES GOD FUCKING DAMMIT WE COULDVE GOTTEN MY BRACES EARLIER LIKE WHEN I WAS TWELVE SO THEN ID LOOK GOOD RN AND ID BE MORE CONFIDENT IM SO FUCKING UGLY IMGONNW CRY

Sucks when u cant go to any of ur parents for anything cuz one thinks ur capable of blowing up anbuilding or some shit so whenever u go and talk to her about something she’ll automatically assume ur lying or ur about to cause trouble bc “all teenagers are the same” and the other parent is trying to live his teenage years while hes in his late thirties cuz his youth wasnt what he wanted it to be so hes making up for it now what with all the technology and what not and isnt concerned in the slightest about anything else
Like i dont have any comforting adult figure i can look up to or talk to about things and not have them think im gonna kill someone or just have em care in general
I especially need one now cuz im graduating and so many things are happening all at once and i just need someone to listen to me

I can only think of like three or four ppl that go to my school that arent fake as fuck just bein real yknow